You ever order something off of those infomercials and it sounds so promising and it's cheap and you're like eh why not? What do I have to lose? But then this product arrives and it's not what you ordered. It doesn't do half the shit it said it could. And you're like well this is a rip off, I should return it. But you let it sit around for a bit and you change your mind, deciding that you can find some use for it eventually even though it does a half ass job. Well folks, that's my dating life. I'm metaphorically dating Sham Wows.
Let's back up a bit. I'm 22, crashing in my sister's spare bedroom. With her husband. Well he sleeps with her but you see the deal here. I provide comic relief to their first year of marriage but that's probably about it. I'm basically trying to get my shit together financially, mentally, physically at the same time as entering the dating world for the first time in about 5 years. By now half of my high school peers are engaged or pregnant or still taking photos with their middle fingers up provocatively licking a cheap domestic beer. So at least I'm doing better than the latter.
But I did get married for a hot second there in 2012. The best part of that marriage was the free wisdom teeth extraction complementary of the US Army. Thanks again, Uncle Sam. I got to live in Italy for 9 months, saw some cool shit and became a little too wise for my years but don't worry, I still don't know East from West when driving and I will never know my limits when drinking. I'd like to think the limit doesn't exist but the scratched paint on my dad's SUV from my projectile vomit proves otherwise. This blog is going to act as evidence of the weird and surprisingly truthful tails of being a sarcastic 22 year old blonde entering the real world. If I could make up half the crap you'll read about I would have a book deal and I wouldn't be paying my sister rent in crumbled up 1s and 5s, so I promise you, this shit has actually happened to me. Get ready.
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